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The Confused Genie
Rated PG13
The bartender was polishing his glassware as he noticed a man walk into the bar with a briefcase. The man had a terribly forlorn look on his face as he sat down at the bar, placing his briefcase on the bartop as he did so. The man undid the clasps on the briefcase and asked the bartender in a pathetic tone of voice for a double-triple-fourple scotch. The bartender asked the man, "What is it that brings you here so depressed that you feel this overwhelming compulsion to drown your sorrows in scotch?"
The man raised the lid of the briefcase pulling out a small piano and setting it on the bar as he replied, "I was walking down the beach this morning and stumbled over a brass lamp. When I picked it up and began brushing the sand off of it, a magical genie emerged from the lamp and, in very broken english, offered me three wishes to grant me anything I wanted."
The bartender looked incredulously at the man as he pulled a tiny, one-foot tall, living, human figure dressed immaculately in black tux and tails out of the briefcase and set him upon a tiny piano bench in front of the tiny piano. The bartender observed, "Having three wishes from a genie doesn't sound like a reason to be this depressed. And this little one-foot tall guy here, this is nothing short of miraculous."
"You haven't seen anything yet." replied the man glumly, bending over and whispering in the tiny guy's ear. The little guy began playing the most beautiful music the bartender had ever heard. Chopin, Beethoven, Liszt and all of it flawlessly.
The bartender couldn't restrain himself and he asked the man, "What did you wish for, anyway?"
"First," the man answered, "I wished for a million dollars, and POOF there it was lying there on the beach in tidy little stacks." He continued, "Second, I wished for a hundred naked dancing girls and instantly I was surrounded by them. Right there on the beach. The genie asked me then, again in broken english, what I wanted for my final wish."
"Yes," the bartender broke in excitedly. "This sounds wonderful so far. I can't understand why you are so depressed."
The man went on, nearly in tears, "With all of that money, and all of those naked girls my final wish was for a twelve inch penis." He motioned toward the bar. "And there he is!"
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Gary Churchman
garydebc@silcom.com
Copyright © 1997 Gary Churchman
This page was created Sunday, July 6, 1997
Most recent revision Sunday, July 6, 1997
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